Adoption Comments

Over the years, I've heard so many comments on our adoption.  The vast majority are positive, and people are so generous with their compliments of the girls.  :)  Occassionally, someone will give their feedback and it sets me on my heels.  That happened last week from a very unexpected source...

I ran into a coworker I hadn't seen in quite some time.  We've known each other for more than ten years.  As always, our conversation eventually gravitates back to the family and our kiddos.  I told him we were adopting again and hope to have our little one in our arms in April.  To my surprise, he said "Why?"  I must have looked puzzled because he said "I mean why go to China?  There are over 800 kids here locally that need parents, and it's FREE".  I smiled and said "that would have been great.  But God led us back to China, so that is where we are going".  I was astounded when he kept on with his conversation "that doesn't make sense because there are kids here.  They all need homes, and it is relatively fast. Why?".  I regrouped myself and said "Again, that's where God led us, so we are obedient to His call and will soon get our daughter there".  He finally said "ok, I get it".  At first, I was just taken back, but looking back I have to be a bit sympathetic to his comments.  Why?  Because he is an adoptive father.  His kids were adopted from the local CPS.  He has a passion for helping those kids that are stuck in foster care find homes.  It's true, there are so many here just waiting for a family to love them.

I suppose I should be better prepared for the same question later in life.  The next time, it likely won't be from an adoptive father.  The first part of my answer was very true...God did lead us to China.  But I failed to follow up with the second part.  That adoption is similar to missionaries.  You see missionaries go into other countries to spread the news of Christ, even though we still have lost people in our own country, and in our own community.  Why?  Because every person is important, and everyone is worth the effort to tell them how much Jesus loves them.  We have local missionaries, and international missionaries.  No mission field is greater than another, because everyone needs to hear the good news.  So wherever God leads, we must go.

Before you get the picture that I am always kind, considerate, and have a sweet spirit about me, I'll tell a story on myself.  Over the years, I've heard it all (again, 99% great and positive conversations!).  But there are the 1%.  The worst was a snooty lady at the airport, while waiting for a flight.  She was dressed to the 9's and it was obvious she thought she was better than everyone else.  She began observing, and then watching in a judgemental fashion at my daughter and me.  Other passengers were aware and watching for my reaction.  I tried hard to ignore her.  Finally, she looked down her nose while staring at my toddler, and demanded "how much did she cost?".  I looked straight back at her and said "why, she's priceless.  How about your children?  What are they worth?".  I then gathered our things, picked up my child, and left her sitting there with her mouth gapped open in shock.  The other passengers were chocking back laughs, as they couldn't believe her comments either.  Let's just say my sweet spirit, like Elvis, had left the building that day. 

Please don't get me wrong.  I LOVE sharing about our adoption!  Most people either know someone who is wanting to adopt, considering it themselves, or just interested in our story.  I love to share, because it is amazing how God knit our family together.  But perhaps there should be some ground rules: 

- first, if the children are present, remember they aren't deaf.  Your comments will be heard.  Be respectful of how you phrase your questions.  Sometimes, I turn to my kids and ask if they would be interested in sharing their story.  Most of the time, they say "yes".  That also reminds the person that they are present and hear their questions.  If they say "no", that is my queue to change the subject and move on. 
- second, if you are interested in adoption or know someone who might be looking into adoption, share that at the beginning of your conversation.  Most any adoptive parent will be very excited to share if they undestand why you are asking.  Hey, if it helps another child find a family, I'm an open book!
- third, here's a lesson in verbiage.  Don't use the word "real".  "Is she your REAL daughter?" (of course she is my real daughter).  "Are they REAL sisters?" (of course they are real sisters).  Try the word "biological".  "Do you know her mother/father?" (please tell me you didn't say that one in front of the child.  Consider if you would have asked this question to a single parent). "I hear they don't want to keep the girls, that they just give them away". (again, tell me you weren't this blunt in front of the kids.  We've always given a positive picture of adoption.  Their mothers chose LIFE, and gave them up to give them a chance at a better life.).

Do I love to share our family story?  Yup!  That is why I set up the blog.  So keeping the ground rules in mind....ask away!  :)